Off The Reservation

That many? Good on ya!
Anyone can write straight American English. Why not play with it a bit. If nothing else it passes the time. Some of the best writers of English in history, wrote in colloquialisms and patois - laid out in the form of dialogue. I refer you to Dickens - as in Charles that is, and Clemens - as in Samuel Langhorne Clemens - better known as Mark Twain.

What are you doing in the gym to have to spare details???

Goodo.
I love to read dialogue in the manner it is purported to be spoken by the characters from a specific region or time period. Especially if the cadence and phrasing is such that it is something I've not encountered before an has a bit of humor imbedded. Dicken's Picwick Papers is a good start for anyone interested.

Dakota - I submit sweet baby Jesus would not have made so many pretty "Birds" if he didn't want us to look at 'em. The way those muscles bunch up when they streeeeeeeeeeeeeetch those gym shorts is truly a study in the pursuit of perfection. 'Cept for the Hefty Bags though.

TRAGEDY AT THE "Y".
So I get there this morning, and all the tread-mills are occupied with large ladies. I go to the back area and do one set of all my routines, taking it easy as my cracked ribs won't stand for the abuse much. Check on the treads, and the giant girl contingent is still a huffin' away. Me 'n a fairly decent guy that's an OK grad and fan, chat up some CFB, and he's sayin' they're glad we may be coming to his conference, as there's a lot of respect for us there, and we would make a good edition, not to mention a good TV market they were not normally exposed in, blah blah blah.

All of a sudden..............there's a shriek from the front. One of the Olyphantine chubby chicks has lost her footing, face-planted on the conveyer and the tread threw her backwards off into a stair stepper unit. Several more turned around to see such a sight, and one more had the same thing happen. Well..........there's some blood, faintin', screamin' and general chaos goin' on, and all the helpers run over there to see what they can do. I called 911 and they sent an ambulance over (prolly should have sent two - one for each orca), to extract the damaged goods. We all had to pitch in to get them onto the gurney, as there was at least 250lbs. of blubba apiece to maneuver.

I found out later, these folks has an informal group that came in every Friday morning and commandered the treads, "hogging" them from everyone else - to the point of becoming verbally abusive if one approached them citing the 30 minute max use rule if there were people waiting. After - they usually all went for biscuits and gravy or chicken biscuits 'n chocy mirk. Guess they were a coupla playas short this time.

I know all about crabby fiance's. When I needed a rest, I used to tell mine her coconut was full of applesauce. Got a week-long nap a coupla times fer that one.

Wednesday night is the Hottie Pelotti class at my "Y". I make sure I'm stationed right flank rear for the best viewing sight-lines when they exit, and my mid-section goes from ice-cream roll to washboard abs in a NY instant.

We used to be able to peer into their work-out room, but got caught, and now they've put up frosted vinyl strips to thwart our leerin' and lustin'. Can't catch a steenken break!